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I think the Kooks said it best, with their melancholic summer jam in ’06: “I want to go to the seaside. I’m not trying to say that everybody wants to go”.

The British seaside is not for everyone, especially not inhabitants of London. It involves getting on a jam-packed, sweaty train with loud screaming children, banging their buckets and spades against the back of your seat, and then carting yourself with a backpack full of warm lager to a grim looking patch of sand thats overpopulated and inevitably gets far too cold to sit in when the sun goes away. And don’t get me f***ing started on the arcade amusements.

So, as an alternative, the good people at Neverland have set up a posh little city beach on the Thames where you can rent butlers and beach huts, and B all the YOB you can carry. Oh, and there’s some petanque courts and ping pong tables available too. It’s not quite Marbella but it sure as hell beats Margate.

Where? Wandsworth Bridge Road, SW6 2TY

Travel? Fulham tube

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